2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
