Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He better not be in your backpack
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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