dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
