You work out of a Hotel?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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