is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
