can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
