there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
