just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
