I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
