Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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