OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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