forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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