dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
