all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
