I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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