So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
