I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
