I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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