Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
