I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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