I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
