someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
