I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
