Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
