I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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