He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
