Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
