it's too hot outside to masturbate.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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