ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
