I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
