also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
