We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just pee around me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
