bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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