I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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