i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
