Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
