I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mom said you looked used
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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