I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
