one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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