my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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