If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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