Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
