awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
