i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just google imaged poop.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
