he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
