If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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