Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
