I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
