Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
