when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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