Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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