Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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