Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
